Emmie and the 7 mutants
by Miaowing Kat
Summary: Based on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The X-men perform the play for your entertainment.
1. Default Chapter

Wicked Queen – Jean Grey

You know the drill…These characters belong to Marvel, no money in it for me, don't sue me… I'm not sure if that's it…

PLEASE write to me at: [miaowing_kat@hotmail.com][1] Hate mail welcome!
    
    
    Narrator –Professor Xavier

Wicked Queen – Jean 
    
    Emmie– Jubilee

Seven Mutants – 

Scott

Logan 

Remy, 

Hank

Kurt 

Bobby

Pete 

Huntswoman – Rogue

Mirror on the wall - Betsy 
    
    Weather – Ororo 

Emmie and the 7 mutants

Narrator: Once upon a time, in a land further away than most places, there was a girl called Emmie. She lived in the palace that was owned by a wicked queen. Even though she was badly mistreated, she was still very happy.

Emmie: Ah, what a lovely day! Even though the wicked Queen Jean makes me work so hard, I am still happy. Why? Because I'm so beautiful and she ain't. HA!

Queen: Ugh, look at that. She's still happy! There's only one thing to do!

Mirror: What do you want?

Queen: Yes, I already know the answer, but to keep this based on the fairy tale, I need to ask you who's prettier, me or Emmie?

Mirror: Duh, her. She's younger for a start, has a gentler spirit, is happy most of the time…

Queen: Hey! I just asked you is she's prettier, I didn't want reasons!

Mirror: Well, I just thought you'd like to know why…

Queen: Where's my Huntsmen? 

Mirror: You had them all executed.

Queen: Damn!

Mirror: You do have one more person left, but she's just finished her training.

Queen: Send her in.

(Door opens and a young woman comes in and curtsies in front of the Queen.)

Huntswoman: Huntswoman Rogue at yar service yar Majesty.

Queen: Are you all I have?

Huntswoman: Ah think so, yar Majesty. 

Queen: You'll just have to do then. Go take Emmie into the woods outside the palace and kill her. Do not fail me. There's no use lying either! I'm a telepath.

Huntswoman: Ah won' fail ya.

(Rogue curtsies as she leaves)

Queen: Ah, problem solved…

Narrator: The next day, the Huntswoman took Emmie into the forest.

Emmie: Wow, look at all the pretty flowers…

Huntswoman: Yeah. Let's go t' this really dark place where there are lots of flowers growing!

Emmie: Okay, anything is better than going back to the palace to scrub steps.

(In the deepest part of the woods, Emmie bends down to look at a toadstool)

Huntswoman: Gawd, Ah can't do it!

Emmie: Do what?

Huntswoman: Ah can't kill ya like Ah was told t'.

Emmie: Why, 'cause I'm so young and innocent?

Huntswoman: Course not, Ah'm trained not t' feel sorry for anything. It's just that Ah forgot ma dagger, so Ah got nothing t' kill ya with!

Emmie: Well, you could bash my head in with those rocks…

Hunstwoman: Ah can't. Ah gotta let ya get away like in th' fairy tale. Damn! Th' Queen's gonna kill me…

Narrator: For all you little kiddies watching this play, Rogue the Huntswoman went back to the Queen, but got away before she could be executed… Now, back to the show.

Storm: I summon the powerful forces of nature! Wind, rain, lightning! I summon thee to make Emmie's journey through the forest very difficult! 

Emmie: Crap! A huge storm HAD to come when I was lost in the middle of the woods!

Storm: Of course it did! This is a fairy tale you know!

Narrator: The storm combined with a really big fear of storms, made Emmie collapse. When she awoke the next morning, she found herself outside a medium sized cottage.

Emmie: Ooooh, A medium sized cottage! I wonder who could live in such a strangely sized house?

(Emmie goes inside the cottage to find that there's no one inside)

Emmie: Cool, there are seven chairs around the table, seven knobs to hang coats on, seven cups, seven dirty plates, and seven pairs of cutlery… I'll go upstairs and see how many beds there are.

Narrator: Emmie carefully climbed the creaky staircase. At the top of the stairs, she opened a door to find a room with seven beds with names engraves into the headboards. 

Emmie: Let's see here, the people who live here have the names: Scott, Logan, Hank, Remy, Kurt, Bobby, and Pete. Huh? They're all men's names! Great, I HAD to be stuck in the middle of a forest in a crappy cottage with a bunch of MEN! 

(As she has finished her little speech to herself, the door downstairs opens.)

Logan: I'm so hungry I could eat a deer!

Bobby: I remember when you did. Blood everywhere…

Remy: Yeah, de least he coulda done was cooked it first, but non, de homme had to eat it raw.

Scott: We have a problem. There's no food in the fridge.

(Logan sniffs the air)

Logan: Wait a minute… Someone's been inside our cottage!

Pete: Did he or she take anything?

Logan: How should I know? 

Hank: Everything seems to be here. 

Pete: As long as she or he didn't take my cigarettes… 

Bobby: What if he or she's still here?

Scott: He or she could be upstairs! Logan, you go see.

Logan: I'm not going bub.

Bobby: Hey, I'm not going either…

Hank: I have to do the dishes.

Kurt: There's no way you can make me go!

Remy: Remy don' go till he eats something mes amis.

Pete: You're all a bunch of cowards! I'll go then.

(Pete carefully climbs the stairs and pushes the door open quietly)

Emmie: Huh? Who are you?

Pete: Oh. It's just a beautiful woman…

Emmie: JUST a beautiful woman? Hey dude, I'm probably the first attractive woman you've ever laid eyes on!

Pete: Guys! There's an angry, beautiful woman up here!

Kurt: Really? Let's take a look!

(Kurt appears next to Emmie. He studies her while the others run up the stairs)

Bobby: Hey, a hot chick!

Emmie: Yeah, I know I'm beautiful…

Logan: Cool. 

Scott: Are you staying Miss?

Emmie: I have to. The wicked queen wants to kill me, so I have to hide here. My name's Emmie by the way.

Hank: So Miss, would you like to come downstairs and we will get you something to eat…

Narrator: The 7 mutants found her some food outside in the forest somewhere, and they had a feast. While they sand sing-a-longs inside the cottage, the wicked Queen Jean plotted the death of Emmie.

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	2. A fairy tale ending...

Queen: Ugh, I can't believe that she's still alive

Narrator: At the palace, the wicked Queen was plotting something evil…*What else?*

Queen: Ugh, I can't believe that she's still alive! This is so annoying! I am supposed to have all the power! What good is being most powerful if you can't do anything evil and wicked properly?

Mirror: None.

Queen: I knew that!

Mirror: Then why did you ask…

Queen: Shut up! I've had enough of you!

Mirror: Temper, temper.

Queen: Quiet. I need to think how I'm going to kill Emmie.

Mirror: Why can't you just let her live?

Queen: Because she's more pretty than I am!

Mirror: I don't think that's a reasonable answer.

Queen: Who's Queen?

Mirror: Uh… You.

Queen: Correct. Now, who's the idiotic, annoying and rude Mirror?

Mirror: Duh, me.

Queen: In that case, SHUT UP!

Mirror: Okay…

Narrator: In the woods, Emmie was being questioned on her cooking skills.

Hank: I thought that all women knew how to cook!

Emmie: Don't be so sexist! I can clean in a way, but I never could cook. *I can't either, it's so stressful*

Scott: So, you can't cook anything?

Logan: Not even bacon?

Emmie: Sorry guys, not even bacon.

Bobby: You know what that means, don't you?

Pete: More Cajun food?

Remy: Oui. Remy be a très magnifique chef, non?

Bobby: Non, you not be even a good cook. 

Logan: You just said something weird bub.

Bobby: Damn! Ah well, you get the idea right?

Remy: Oui. You not be liking my cooking one little bit…

Bobby: Yeah! 

Kurt: So what? We can cook too you know.

Scott: I can't. Raise your hands if you can cook.

(Remy and Hank raise their hand) *BTW, they can probably all cook, but this is a fairy tale, so anything goes*

Kurt: Is that all? I thought there were more!

Emmie: What do you cook?

Hank: Eggs and Toast.

Emmie: That's all you eat? Eggs, toast and Cajun food!

Pete: Yes.

Emmie: How could anyone live like that?!

Kurt: This is a story! It doesn't have to make sense!

Emmie: Oh yeah…

Hank: So, how come you were here in the forest again?

Emmie: Remember, I ran away from the wicked Queen.

Scott: Oh, her…

Emmie: You know her?

Pete: Yes. We were evicted from our home by the Queen, and forced to live in this stupid forest.

Logan: We all hate her.

Emmie: Oh, in that case will you help me kill her or something to make a happy ending?

Bobby: Sure! We'd love to kill the Queen for you!

Scott: Can I make up the plan?

Logan: Well…

Scott: Please! Please! I'd be ever so good at it!

Remy: Do you really want to do de plan dat bad?

Pete: Of course he does!

Kurt: Ja, look at him jumping up and down!

Hank: If you really want to, go ahead…

Scott: YES! I'm going to make the BEST plan ever!

Narrator: At the same time, the wicked Queen was trying to figure out how to kill Emmie.

Queen: You know, I really can't be bothered with making that stupid potion and making her eat the apple. I can just knock her out, then drown her instead.

Mirror: Yes. That is very… original my Queen.

Queen: I know what you're thinking! You think it's a stupid idea, don't you?

Mirror: Well, I just thought that we were keeping this to a traditional style.

Queen: Not much so far has been very traditional, I'm not going to start now!

Mirror: Fair enough…

Narrator: Meanwhile, Scott had just finished his brilliant plan.

Pete: Pathetic is what I'd call it…

Scott: Yes, I am done!

Logan: Okay bub, let's see what you've done…

Kurt: Is there lots of bashing heads?

Scott: No, not really. I just thought that Logan could go and slice through her.

Bobby: That's your brilliant plan!?

Scott: Well…

Hank: Oh God…

Pete: Forget his idea, I say we go bust into the palace, and kill her as soon as we find her.

Remy: Better dan Scott's idea, let's go!

Hank: That doesn't sound very fairy-tale like at all… 

Emmie: So what? I want revenge!

Logan: Yes, we all do! C'mon!

(All the guys rush to the palace, where the wicked Queen is hiding in the dungeon)

Queen: Crap, I didn't expect this…

Mirror: Well, I mean you have been pretty nasty.

Queen: Shut up…

Mirror: It's always telling me to shut up Queenie! Well, what if I don't want to shut up? What if I want to talk and talk and talk? Then what?

(The Queen smashes the mirror and it falls onto the floor)

Queen: Well, at least I've shut her up.

(Logan charges in)

Logan: All right Queen Jeanie! We're gonna kill you!

Queen: Really? I… wanted to get to know you better…

(Logan gulps as Queen runs her hand up her thigh)

Kurt: Hey, what ya doing? Ooooh…

Bobby: No, must resist…

Scott: Damn, she's so…

Remy: Merde…

Pete: Um…

Hank: This is what happens when we've not seen beautiful women for a long time.

Emmie: Oh God guys! Snap out of it! Hey, I'm more pretty than her! The stupid mirror said so!

Queen: Could it be possible that the stupid mirror was wrong?

Bobby: Uh huh.

Queen: Well, in that case Emmie can come back to live in the Kingdom!

Pete: What about us?

Queen: You have been punished long enough, you can come back to.

Hank: Really?

Queen: Really.

Scott: Yes, please accept our full apologies for trying to kill you.

Queen: We all make mistakes.

Emmie: Well…

Narrator: One minute later…

Queen: I hope you guys enjoy it in the dungeon!

Hank: But you said…

Queen: So? I'm evil and wicked!

Logan: You were lying?

Queen: Of course.

Emmie: God, I knew I shouldn't have thought about it…

Queen: In fact, you guys can get executed right now.

Remy: But dis be a fairy tale!

Scott: Yeah, the huntswoman Rogue got away!

Pete: So, you can't kill us Jeanie!

Queen: Damn…

Mirror: In that case, are you really allowed to break me?

Narrator: Yes, because you are a fairy tale object, not person. You die, so get down there!

Mirror: Awwwww…

Narrator: And so Emmie and the 7 mutants got off on a technicality, and went to live in another Kingdom ruled by someone nice. 

THE END


End file.
